MLO Knitting

Upon finishing Bath Massacre: America’s First School Bombing by Arnie Bernstein I turned on my TV to see that 7 students in the Detroit Public Schools were hospitalized at two area hospitals. Synchronicity is odd. There are few similarities as the Detroit shooting occurred at an area bus stop and the Bath Massacre took out an entire school save the targets being school children.

I lived in one of the towns immediately affected by the massacre – not Bath, Michigan – so already had some knowledge of the tragedy. I was living there when Columbine happened. People remembered a much larger tragedy that happened on May 18, 1927.

On May 18, 1927, area farmer, and former school board member and treasurer, Andrew Kehoe, had wired his farm and the Bath Consolidated School with dynamite, killing 45 people, mostly children, and injuring 58. This is still the worst single school disaster in modern history.

The book is a decent retelling of that horrific day. Bath Massacre: America’s First School Bombing suffers from two major flaws. First, the need for Arnie Bernstein to include non sequiturs about Chicago in the book. (These should have never been left by the editors. I can only think they were looking for padding.) Second, the short shrift given to Nellie Kehoe’s medical needs and the expenses that must have entailed from those.

The finances of Andrew and Nellie Kehoe were not investigated to the point I would have liked to see. Nor were the stresses of Nellie’s many hospitalizations. This leaves one to wonder if Kehoe, who blamed taxation for his money woes, was faced with mounting medical bills that he felt he could have paid had he not been paying taxes. That this speculation was not delved into more, instead, Bernstein had to unnecessarily mention connections the area had to Al Capone, was a major flaw.

The chapters detailing the bombing and rescue efforts are riveting, if dry. I was very surprised to find that Bernstein has a Master’s in Creative Writing. (The only reason I can overlook the use of Wikipedia(!) as a source in his endnotes. Completely irresponsible in a history book. Use authoritative sources people.) His style reads more like a history theses rather than the true crime story this really is. This flaw comes mainly from focusing on things that were not relevant to the story in the first part of the book and ignoring the financial angle of this crime.

Bath Massacre: America’s First School Bombing is one of only two easily obtained books – and the only in-print book – on this major American tragedy. No one living in Bath at the time was untouched. Today, there is a memorial park with a variety of tributes. Entering town, one can feel the sadness that still resides in the essence of the town.

For those who want to know more about the origins of suicide bombers and their victims, Bath Massacre: America’s First School Bombing, is a good place to start. Andrew Kehoe was the first of what would be an ongoing criminal-type in the modern era – mass murderer who kills himself/herself during their crime.

Lately, there have been a rash of postings in the infertility blogosphere about The Pain Olympics. What are The Pain Olympics? It is a game that women play to tell others that my pain is more real than your pain. Now, to some degree this is true. Anything that someone has experienced for themselves is more real for that person than anything experienced by another. We can try to empathize, but we can never truly know what another feels or thinks.

There are two posts in particular that have had me thinking about this. The first one was from ME at We Are What We Repeatedly Do called, Pain Olympics. She was talking about how pain is unique to the individual and all pain is not equal. She is right. All pain is unique. The second one was from DD over at Punch Drunk with a post called Dead Bird — Now for the Dead Horse talking about how secondary infertility hurts just as bad as primary infertility. She’s right, too. Nobody knows what pain is in someone else’s heart.

I’ve seen this in the food allergy community as well. A certain feeling that those who fit the Top 8 get all the respect and treatment. If your an allergy sufferer from a food that isn’t on FAAN’s magic list, well, you are out-of-luck. Even within the group of Top 8 sufferers, I have seen the soybean allergic tell the peanut, egg, and shellfish allergic how lucky they are because soy is in everything. Then the non-Top 8 corn allergics point out that soy is so much easier because it is at least labeled.

Interestingly, even though my journey with ovarian cancer has just began, I haven’t seen the same degree of The Pain Olympics with cancer patients. Cancer just sucks. The thing is, it is still there. There is a feeling among gynecological cancer victims that everything is about breast cancer. All the literature, all the ribbons, all the events seem to be about breast cancer. In private, I have even heard non-gynecological cancer patients express irritation at the the emphasis and focus breast cancer gets.

Now this isn’t to say that any of the emotions felt by any of these people is not valid. Emotions are valid. Emotions are felt without logic.

In primary infertility, there is a death of one’s genetic line. Sure, you can, in some cases, choose alternative routes to parenthood – but not all routes to parenthood are open to all people. For some, childlessness is a permanent state that was never chosen due to outside influences. That, of course, is a post for another day. Even if one is to move on to donor, surrogacy, or adoption, the genetic line that you were trying to propagate is no more. And, at a very base level, that is something to be mourned. Those who have a living child do not experience that loss. Does this make secondary infertility any less painful? Not for those in its throes. It does, however, make it completely different.

Then there is the allergy world where a lot of pretenders like to live. I’m sorry, celiac is not allergy! Allergy is defined by the fact that it can unexpectedly kill you suddenly. Even a mild allergy can suddenly become life-threatening and the doctors don’t know why or how that happens. They have a multitude of theories, but no concrete knowledge of that part of the process. The infighting among the allergic – fueled by corporate sponsored non-advocacy groups (FAAN) – does not help matters either. Interestingly, FAAN actually encourages the divide between the Top 8 and the rest of the allergy community. They have even told those who are not allergic to the Top 8 that their allergies are rare – though there are no well-done, peer-reviewed, non-corporate sponsored studies that have concluded this. Does this make those with the Top 8 allergies less important than those with non-Top 8 allergies less important? Or vice versa? No. Both are important and the infighting doesn’t help anyone.

As to other food related diseases such as celiac? Yes, they are painful and deserve to be researched and recognized more often than they are. Food intolerance should not be ignored. It is important, however, to not conflagrate the different food-related immune diseases as this gives doctors and the general public an excuse to ignore the real problems. Celiac can cause a long lingering death with infertility thrown in. This does not minimize the pain it causes as the food industry and public health officials don’t seem to care one wit about any of us. We need to stop comparing and one-upping our pain in order to get the food industry and public health officials to take us seriously.

Finally, the perception around breast cancer getting all the attention. Right now? They do. It is because they have survivors in numbers and breasts are easy for the public to think about. How many people really understand what an ovary or a colon or a cervix or pancreas does? We have horrible health education in American schools. The vast majority of people have no idea what anything besides a vague idea of what any of their organs do. Most people don’t even fully realize that their skin is an organ! How can we expect them to understand about cancers in the organs they don’t see and think about when most of us don’t speak out and talk about it? Many people don’t realize that cancer research is in need for the less common cancers. They really believe that by giving to one cancer charity they are helping out all cancers. They don’t really understand that cancer is not one disease. Heck, even ovarian cancer is at least 3 different diseases – and there is growing evidence that the epithelial cancers may actually be 4 discrete diseases in and of themselves. How is The Pain Olympics of “they get all the attention and we get none” helping?

Interestingly, my DH brought up The Pain Olympics unwittingly with mention of a post on The Daily KOS about artificial insemination. People were sharing their own painful stories about family-building and he was sorely tempted to share our story. When he told me this I laughed and told him he just entered the world of women and The Pain Olympics. His perception is that everyone who has it worse than us has stopped blogging. (I know this isn’t the case, but understand his feelings.)

Now, does anything I say above invalidate the need to sometimes vent about how badly you hurt and how someone else has it so much easier? No, not at all. We all have pain. Each bit of pain is unique to us and is just as valid as anyone else’s pain. What we feel is what we feel. Heaven knows I have had my days of thinking that I must have one The Pain Olympics. Let’s see, get the food allergy that nobody believes in (corn with multiple other allergies (food, drug, and environmental) – recognition of this allergy has gotten much better in recent years); find out we are unable to have kids without IVF to get pregnant and have a miscarriage at 19 weeks; gear up to do another IVF cycle only to find Stage 1c Ovarian Cancer with a Grade 3 tumor that means hysterectomy and chemotherapy. Does this mean I win?

Looking for a good beach read during your leisurely summer break? Barbie & The Beast (Love Spell Paranormal Romance) by Linda Thomas-Sundstrom is a good bet.

Barbie and her best friend forever (bff), Angie, are looking for a man. This, of course, brings them to a Miami cemetery late at night where Darin, a werewolf, is the night watchman.

Darin just can’t resist this lovely woman who has stumbled into his world and pursues her in a most gentlemanly way – after an inauspicious meeting. Of course, Barbie, won’t cooperate with him as she jumps to a number of wrong conclusions from Darin’s attempts to keep her from learning his secret.

Angie, of course, pushes Barbie to seek other opportunities once Barbie decides that Darin is nothing but a cad. After all, what man runs off from a heated date just because the moon starts rising? And who was that little blonde he was talking to in the cemetery?

Barbie & The Beast (Love Spell Paranormal Romance) is a fun little book that ends with an opening for a sequel without leaving the reader unsatisfied with the current story. (An art lost on many authors, I fear.)

Hi, I’m the DH.  For reasons that defy understanding, y’all have voted to have me “guest blog”.  Normally, I try to stay out of my wife’s blogging universe.  DH in my world means “designated hitter” or “Diffie-Hellman”, not “dear / damn / dumb husband”.  But she’s going through a lot and wanted my considered feedback on this most-important and uber-serious topic, so here goes nothing!

Top 10 Reasons My Wife Would Be Scarier As A Ghost Than Alive:

10. She knows their ways!  Really, have you *read* her book reviews? One false move and I end up in a spooktacular prison with a vamp named Bubba, and trashy novels would be the least of my worries!

9.  Already a scream queen, my wife would add bloodcurdling ghastly moans and groans as a core competency.  Eek!  If anyone is gonna be doing the bitching and moaning around this house, it’s ME!

8.  She can really turn white as a sheet, instead of just pretending to do so at those ER visits.  It’d be a royal bitch to find her on Halloween, a fabric sale, or a goth parade…

7.  Being unfettered by her body, she could check out when the patio furniture is going on sale ANYTIME SHE WANTS!  And she would HAUNT ME OVER IT!!!  And she absolutely WILL NOT STOP UNTIL I AM DEAD!

6.  She could score leading roles in straight-to-DVD epics like “Ghost 2: Demi Needs Money” and “Beetlejuice 3: Revenge of the Elder Wyrm”.  Some movies don’t need sequels, damnit!

5.  As everyone knows from the movies, haunted houses are places everyone wants to come over and visit, at all hours of the day or night.  I like my privacy and my quiet time!

4.  Our Pekingese dog, being a spirit guardian, would be compelled to take her side in every argument.  She wouldn’t even have to bribe him with treats!  I’d be outnumbered, always.  <sobs>

3.  Being a ghost gives her ANOTHER excuse to not do something with all her knitting clutter.  Between medical woes and “the dog put me to sleep”, you’d think she’d have enough excuses, but NOOOoo…

2.  Fear of the unknown!  My wife is smart and capable, and will undoubtedly find other spectral ways to torment me that I haven’t listed.  Maybe she wants me to write this to give her ideas…?

1.  As my mind-numbing experience with insurance companies has shown me, death is only the beginning.  There’s no checkbox for “ghost”. I’d be on the phone for weeks and years… the horror, the HORROR!

But, on the brighter side, she’ll certainly get that gig hosting Ghost To Ghost Radio like she’s always wanted.

Terminal Invasion (2002) is a classic bad movie with Bruce Campbell starring as an unnamed (or at least I don’t remember his name) prisoner who is being transported for murder and then has to fight the aliens.

Everyone’s favorite Dabo Girl from Quark’s in Deep Space Nine is the pilot that can’t take off because of the blizzard that takes out the police car that was transporting Campbell’s character.

A variety of other characters are included as fodder for the monster of the week – shape-changing aliens!

Is this a good movie? No. This is a cheesy sci-fi flick that is meant for Saturday afternoon when you should be doing something else. This is a fun movie for watching in a group of cheesy sci-fi / bad movie fans.

Rent it unless you are building a library of “good” bad movies.

Watching the Detectives with Lucy Liu stars in this very quirky independent film. Neil, played by Cillian Murphy, owns an independent video store with a quirky regular clientele.

Violet (Lucy Liu) is one of those characters that can only happen in the movies. She creates scenarios that endanger Neil. This, of course, makes Neil even more attracted to her because he is living the scenarios in the movies he has come to know and love.

This is not a movie to watch while one has the brain engaged. The characters are too obvious in their insanity.

If you can get this from your library, it is an amusing movie with an ending where you are yelling at Neil for being an idiot.

Juno (Single-Disc Edition) was the breakout Indie film last year. I have to admit, I don’t get why. The acting was the only solid part of the film. And, the acting wasn’t enough to make me care about what happened to the characters. It didn’t even trigger any issues with my own journey through infertility and loss.

Even my DH – who loves Indie stuff – was left going, “Huh?” We understand that some people buy a self-aware 16 year old. We couldn’t. It just didn’t ring true. DH was especially disconcerted by the portrayal of the adopting husband. His response: “No one trying 5 years is going to be like that.” (I won’t say what he is referring to, only that at 5 years, perhaps such things would probably not still be festering in a healthy marriage.)

Honestly, Juno (Single-Disc Edition) is not a bad movie, but it was annoying. It tried to be super clever and, to me, fell flat. Clever can work, but this movie didn’t work for me.

The music in it didn’t help either. I am not a fan of the style of music that was used throughout the movie. Every time one of the songs started, I wanted to shut down the sound. They annoyed me – and I grew up with old-style country music. It takes a lot to annoy me musically.

I can understand why some folks liked the movie – as a fantasy about “mature” teens. I just couldn’t reach that level of suspension of disbelief.

Click on the chalkboard to go see the rest of the class.

I said I would have pictures of what my mom planted for me. We went to the local nursery and got some great deals, I must say.

First are the shade garden plants – and partial shade plants – with one tomato plant that might survive.

Of course, there are the existing hostas along the side of the garage that need to be thinned and transplanted to the side of the house.

Of course, I can’t resist this picture of the pekingese:

Yes, they are both very spoiled little dogs.

The flowers on the deck haven’t come out to get good photos yet. I do have a few scenes on the deck and on the water, though:

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So, it seems that just when the 5 day IV emetic wears off, I throw up. Lovely, just lovely. I hate to throw up. I had no more than taken the c.ompazine – for nausea – than I threw up. I had very little nausea before it happened. Yuck. I also have a nice tummy ache.

The protocol used for ovarian cancer is harsh! It has been just about the same for about 40 years. They have improved the drugs that they use to control the side effects – but nothing is 100%. Now, from what I understand, I have been doing remarkably well in regards to my tolerance of these drugs. They are, like all chemotherapy drugs, poisons to kill the cancer without killing me. The particular chemo drugs? Carboplatin and Taxol.

From what I understand, most of the more common cancers have alternatives, but I am no expert. Yes, I will be calling the doctor in the morning about the side effects. These aren’t hitting emergency levels as I can keep liquids and foods down for the most part. Strangely, lemonade is really helpful for the nausea. Who would have thought?

Anyway, I told DH that there were times during chemo that I would wish I were dead because of the awfulness, but, I would persevere. This is, admittedly, only the beginning.

His response? “You are more dangerous as a ghost than alive!” I think he should guest blog about that to add some black humor to the blog. What do you guys think?

See the sidebar to the right!

Forbidden Nights with a Vampire (Love at Stake, Book 7) by Kerrelyn Sparks finds Vanda Barkowski in trouble with the Vampire Counsel once again for her angry outbursts. Three former employees have brought complaints against her. Result? Werewolf Phil Jones takes her on as her anger management sponsor – which the Vampire Counsel has decreed is required.

Now, there are a myriad of issues that Phil Jones is having fulfilling his role. He is incredibly attracted to the spitfire vampire who survived World War II and is keeping secrets from that time. She wants him to back away. Of course, it doesn’t help matters that she is unaware of Phil’s true nature, seeing him as only a frail mortal.

This is an enjoyable read, however, a warning to those coping with childlessness, there is a scene where Vanda is reminded harshly of her inability to have children when Shanna Draganesti plops her infant daughter into Vanda’s hands and rushes off. Vanda’s musings are almost accurate. I won’t say more, only that you should be aware of the scene if you are prone to reading in public.

Phil keeps pursuing his forbidden love despite Vanda’s continual refusals. How can he resist this vampiric vixen with a volcanic verve for life? She is his dream girl and this time he won’t let the rules get in his way – not even Vanda’s.